There is a big gaping hole in the middle of my back deck. My Dad and I put it there. Well, actually, the guy who used to own the house originally put it there, but then he put in a Jacuzzi. Then, the Jacuzzi pump burned out and he never fixed it. He covered it up and probably tried to forget about it. Eventually, due to his son’s health problems, he declared bankruptcy and let the government have the home. In the meantime, the Jacuzzi continued to deteriorate. The lid leaked. Cold and heat cracked the fiberglass, and the plastic pipes fell apart. Then, Janine and I bought the house.

For over a year since we bought the place, we’ve stared at the Jacuzzi and thought about how to deal with it. It either had to be covered up, removed, or repaired. Well, repairing the damn thing was out of the question—might as well get a new one instead. We thought about filling the fiberglass bowl full of dirt and making a giant planter out of it. We even considered putting a fire pit in its place. All we knew was that something had to be done. As it sat there for a year and a half, we removed the lid, drilled holes in it to drain the rainwater, dragged leaves out of it, and kevetched over what to do about it.

My Dad, the industrious guy that he is, suggested that we remove the Jacuzzi from the deck, replace it with boards, and have one giant, beautiful deck. Janine and I always liked that idea, anyway. So, on his way during a business trip to Cincinnati this weekend, he spent the weekend with us. He made it a priority to have the Jacuzzi taken out by the time he left Monday morning. And by Jove, we got the damned thing out of there. It was manly work. It took crowbars and power-tools. It required sledgehammers. It rained. We got cut. We got splinters. Thank the gods for opposable thumbs. And damn, we were really tired by the end of Saturday. And by the end of Sunday, the day of rest, we felt like Hebrews working for the Pharaoh. Monday morning, Dad continued on his journey, like that lone cowboy riding off into the sunset, singing yippie-ki-yay, Veni, Vidi, Vici.

So, Monday, I spent the day loading up the pickup and hauling detritus and wreckage off to the landfill. And now, there’s a big damn hole in my deck. The remaining deck, octagonal in shape, is big enough that a person, if they’re paying attention, can easily walk around the negative space framed in wood. Luckily, there’s a gate to that part of the deck. It’ll keep clumsy me from breaking my neck. I like to go out back and smoke my pipe. Often, I walk out there, followed around by one of my cats, Kinja. I like to watch the stars. Kinja likes to watch the fireflies. It would be horrible if I went out there one night and stepped off into that black hole. Thank the gods the damn thing doesn’t have an event horizon or a gravitational pull, because in my backyard, no one can hear you yelp. Or meow.

Stay tuned. The deck will be made whole once again. Eventually. But, between now and then, I guess I'm just going to have to smoke my pipe out front.